Part 9.Styles of Managing Conflict: It Takes two to Tango

Styles of Managing Conflict: It Takes two to Tango
When the “similarity assumption” is coupled with the golden rule of the Japanese society, namely, the famous words uttered by Prince Shotoku in the 7th century that “Harmony is to be valued,” surely a frictionless society emerges-or does it ?
Researchers speak of five styles of dealing with interpersonal conflict, namely: Aggressive, Accommodating,Compromising, Problem-solving, and Withdrawing.
In the Aggressive style a person tries to have his or her own way when an interpersonal conflict arises, aiming to “defeat” the counterpart, In contrast, a person adopting the Accommodating style would “yield” to the counterpart at the time of interpersonal conflict, letting that person have his or her way.
In the Compromising style, one meets the counterpart halfway by accepting a mix of gains and losses.
On the other hand, in the Problem-solving style. one tries to find a “win-win” solution by thoroughly communicating with the counterpart in the conflict.
Finally, a person adopting the Withdrawing style tries to avoid conflict altogether.
Such a person does not even admit there is conflict in the first place,or tries to avoid the person whom he or she is in conflict with, hoping the issue will somehow disappear on its own.
The theory goes that the best style for resolving conflict is the Problem-solving style: it is the only way to work out the conflict thoroughly and provide a solution that satisfies both sides.
However, in order to adopt this style, one must first acknowledge the conflict exists and then engage with the counterpart.
Unfortunately, admitting the existence of a conflict goes against the highly prized Japanese golden rule of harmony.
As a result, many Japanese opt for the Accommodating style or Withdrawing style, or at best the compromising style.
Unfortunately, this may give an American the impression that the Japanese counterpart is uncooperative or not serious about resolving the conflict.
Conversely, when an American tries to adopt a Problem-solving style, the Japanese counterpart may wrongly take it for an Aggressive approach.
Things get trickier when one person has made a blunder and needs to get out of an embarrassing situation.
In Japan you are expected to simply apologize without offering much of an explanation.
An unqualified apology-which is often followed by a prescribed remark such as, “That’s OK, never mind (ieie,iidesyo).” by the one who accepts the apology – shows that you admit the responsibility, whereas offering an explanation looks live you’re trying to make excuses.
In America, however, the act of allowing a person to apologize with an explanation is viewed as a constructive step toward resolving the conflict in the Problem-solving style.
therefore, in the international stage, the Japanese should learn to view an explanation of an error not as an excuse but as an act of courtesy.
Like wise, Americans need to bear in mind that Japanese people often refrain from offering explanations or making their standpoint clear for fear of disrupting the harmony.